Answering Weird Searches
It’s a little disappointing that most of the people that find Toy Bender are through an image search knowing that a good portion of them just ending up using me as a free image host instead of enjoying the site that my army of dedicated fans… ah hem. However there is still a good amount of traffic that comes through run of the mill keyword searches. When looking through these searches that have brought random visitors here I thought, “What in God’s holy name is wrong with these people?” I’ve also wondered if they have found what they are looking for. Well, if they didn’t here are some of the weirdest of my searches and I’ll attempt to give those who typed them what they are looking for:
1) “Mr. Bucket Corrupts Children”
Wow. Out of all the things that corrupt children from Dungeons and Dragons to rap music, I’ve never considered the possibility that Mr. Bucket might have an evil influence on the youth of the world. I’d like to assure that the only corrupting influence that Mr. Bucket has on children is that they may develop an unhealthy obsession with balls.
2) “hasbro to make the g.i.joe air craft carrier again”
I’m sorry to report this, but searching for it will not make what is never going to happen, happen. Sorry.
3) “wax stripper”
Is Vincent Price back from the dead and using the internet? This seems like something he’d be all about if we’re talking about exotic dancers and wax.
4) “cooking with turds”
My recommendation? Don’t.
5) “has hasbro dropped gijoe ??”
I guess I’m not as up on Boolean search as I should be so I’m not sure if question marks help Google find items that are obviously urgent to the user. If you asked this question, no Hasbro is not ready to drop a their gigantic cash cow yet and would be exceedingly retarded if they did so.
6) “biggest breasts”
Hell yeah! This one is on me:
Anna Ohura claimed to have the biggest breasts in Japan in 2003 or so. What’s great about this is now I’ll get really disappointed people coming to Toy Bender looking for dirty Anna Ohura pictures. Suckers!
7) “spanking his monkey animation”
Uh, this one is not on me.
Well, that about rounds up all of the weirdest searches I’ve encountered recently. Hopefully I’ve been able to shed some light on the subjects queried that had previously remained unanswered. I also hope that those of you looking for turd cooking were kidding. I mean… seriously, what’s wrong with you?
November 16th, 2007 at 8:31 am
Some of the guys here just got back from the Hasbro Toy Fair in RI… Did you know that they are officially going through with a GIJoe live action film?
November 16th, 2007 at 8:34 am
you can find videos of Anna on YouPorn.com…
November 16th, 2007 at 9:36 am
That’s why I try not to use certain words because the searches I see that find my site are bizarre enough. (Perhaps I can help you get more hits for “purple monkey dishwasher”, because I have more than enough hits from it to share.)
I too get a good portion of hits to my site from Google Image search. Doesn’t anyone read anymore?
(After this post, I think your searches will get weirder.)
November 16th, 2007 at 2:10 pm
Sorry Paul, you’re not my pervert on MyBlogLog, although you are welcome to become one of the many if you are yearning to. My pervert appears to be an 18 year old gay kid from possibly Taiwan who, and I quote “Loves to shop, shop, shop!”. He also enjoys taking pictures of himself and posting them all over his blog. If there was a word frequency count on his blog “Bitch” would be #1. Quite the little shithead…I have no idea why he would have any interest whatsoever in my wholesome decent blog that smells like fresh cookies (I stole that from Diesel at Mattress Police).
November 16th, 2007 at 3:00 pm
lol thanks Karen. I take it you don’t have any thoughts about the weird searches?
quincy, I’m all up on that news. I’ve talked about it here on the blog! Oh and I know ALL about YouPorn.com. heh
Savage, I’m hoping for more oddball searches. It makes good post fodder.
November 16th, 2007 at 3:11 pm
Your weird searches…cooking with turds intrigues me. Who would be looking to do that, and what kind of turds? Cow flops, horse apples, dog poop, goat pellets? Some goooooood eatin down in the Holler! Maybe they ran out of opossums or squirrels? I do wonder why it lead to you though…is there anything you’re not telling us?
November 16th, 2007 at 10:25 pm
Maybe the turds aren’t an ingredient, but a fuel source? Like “cooking with coal” or “cooking with oil.”
I always love lists of crazy searches. They’re good wholesome fun!
September 25th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
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