Toy Bender

So in the spirit of everything going wrong that possibly can, my PC at home took a dump on me. I’m still trying to get the thing operational again, but the main problem for you is that I update Toy Bender at night so I can work during the day. I’ll try to write some updates between slaving for the corporate man. Sorry everyone. Here’s the intro to Dinoriders to help distract you from the lack of updates. Look dinosaurs… with LASERS!

I’d like to take a moment to congratulate the infamous Poe Ghostal and his new bride on their wedding day (at least I think it’s today). If you don’t know Mr. Poe, he’s a contributer for ToyFare Magazine, a writer on OAFE, and the brains behind the internet’s 2nd greatest toy blog, Poe Ghostal’s Points of Articulation. I asked myself in what way could I best celebrate their holy matrimony and the only answer I could come up with was… DINOSAURS ATTACK! STYLE!

Bride and groom? More like bride and doom! Wackaa Wackaa Wackaa! The triceratops is well known for busting up weddings and killing anyone within striking distance in addition to being a horned plant eater. I’d like to go on record and wish Poe and his bride a very happy, long, and triceratops free life together. Congrats, kids!

ToyFare, the greatest toy magazine on the planet, has recently launched it’s own blog called FarePlay. That’s right, the confines of print were just too… confining… for ToyFare magazine so they’ve added a digital arm to multi-limbed body of destruction.

Ah hem… What’s cool about this blog is that it expands upon the magazine by adding such things as toy reviews by the staff that don’t appear in the print form. It has all the other advantages of blogs like the ability to leave obsessive comments and have the staff file a legal order against you. At least that’s what happened in my case.

Since the internet is a big place, I don’t view them as direct competition so I urge you to visit their new blog. Just don’t stay too long. I’ll get lonely.

After an internet disaster of epic proportions, it looks like we’re back on the air. Stay tuned to this internet bloggidy blog for further updates.

For the first time ever, Toy Bender was recorded on the web rankings website of having been in the top 100,000 websites. I ranked at 180,351, which has been a long time goal of this blog. It’s a big milestone for me and I thought I’d celebrate it before my traffic plummets again.

(Thank yous and possible PG-13 content after the break!)

(more…)

I have returned from what my father refers to as God’s country and most other people refer to as Wisconsin. I am now a married man, which makes me very happy, but at the same time it’s still a bit odd to think that I have a wife. It’s also weird to think that I’m sleeping with a woman that has my last name and it’s not some sick incestuous thing. How can I be old enough to have a wife like a real grown up?

(more…)

You might be wondering where the heck I went, but probably not. Just in case you have wondered why you haven’t gotten any injections of toy loving from this site in the last few days, the answer is simple: I’m on a break of sorts. I took a couple of weeks off of my real job and flew back home so I can get married May 17th. Oh by the way, reading that obligated you to buy me a wedding gift. Send me an email so I can get my address to you post haste!

I’m really sorry to deliver the bad news that I’m going to be married, ladies. Hey, look at the bright side; just because I’m going to be married doesn’t mean you can’t send me nude pictures of yourself!

(more…)

Hey y’all,

I need your help. If you are going to San Diego Comic Con this year I have a desperate need for your aid. I need your pictures for my online record of toy collecting, i.e. my bloggy blog. If you’re going, can provide me with pictures, and I think they are good enough to post online (i.e. not too blurry or what have you), then I will exchange a small monetary compensation per picture and big props to you on the blog or website I put them on (they would either appear here or DigitalMonkeyBox.com).

I’m not looking for a pro here either. I’m looking for someone with a decent digital camera that can take competent photos and would like to give me a hand. For the kind of photos I’m looking for, check out this link. As you can tell, pro shots they aint.

Hell, if you’re going you’re going to be taking pictures anyway. Why not take a few more and make a little bit of cash to help fund your trip?

If you are interested, email me @ Paul.Toybender@gmail.com for more details.

Thanks!

With the final push towards the inevitable mega-holiday for the Western World known as Christmas coming at us once again like a unstoppable freight train, it’s time for a quick plea to give to those in need. I grew up under a super conservative household, so I’m no pinko liberal that believes that it’s the government’s job to feed and clothe everyone, but when it comes to kids who are wanting it’s time to spread some love.

If you haven’t contributed in any way to society and you have a couple of extra bucks that you might otherwise spend on yourself, then I’d recommend either Toys For Tots or some other organizations like it that allow you to buy a gift and then send it on it’s way to a child in need. What’s great about them is that instead of just giving money that you don’t have any idea where it goes or how it’s being used, you get to pick the gift that will bring some joy to a kid that might be in extra need of some this time of year. If you don’t know where a Toys For Tots drop off is you can head on over to this site and find the nearest one to you. Hell, if that aint your thing you can even donate straight up cash to the program.

I’ve also participated in (and am doing so again this year) in a charity drive that gets you the names of kids and what they want in a sort of massive adopt a family program. This year my fiancee got some of the requests from her work and since the kids that are requesting are slighly vague it’s pretty tough to try to get them exactly what they want. One of the requests was from a five year old who wants, “A Spider-Man and a car with batteries.” Does this kid want a Spider-Man in a car that takes batteries? In that case I pray to Krom that the Spider-Man Bump and Go is what he wants. Even as I write this I have a feeling I’m going to go to the store and buy an extra Spider-Man figure just in case I’m wrong and that he really wants a Spider-Man figure and a separate car that takes batteries (whatever that would be). Hey, I don’t want to be the jerk that didn’t exactly get this kid what he wanted.

Either way that you go, I encourage every toy collector to part with some cash they might otherwise use for themselves to extend a helping hand. It feels good to do good and do some good for goodness sake. Or something like that.

By the way, I’d like to bitch for a moment. This G.I. Joe shortage is pissing me off because I planned to buy some figs to give to dump in a Toys For Tots bin in an effort to spread the Joe love out there. If anyone does so let me know, it was kind of a goal of mine lately and I have yet to see a single figure in the stores this month.

Update: I managed to find two Joes to give to Toys For Tots. Two is better than none I suppose. What really irks me is that while Target’s peg hooks contained no Joes, they were filled with Elite Force figures. I also did cave and bought that extra Spider-Man. I can’t be responsible for ruining anyone’s Christmas.

If you’re a frequent reader of ToyBender (and why wouldn’t you be?) then you might know the commenter that goes by the name of Poe Ghostal. Poe is a writer on OAFE.net and he’s also had several articles published in everyone’s favorite toy magazine, ToyFare, including three in the latest issue. God I’m so jealous I could poop.

(more…)

I know, make with the yuck yucks and stop breaking the fourth wall all the time. Well I’m sorry, but due to the fact that I’m moving and have had a terrible time with internet service there might be a slight delay in service here on Toy Bender. I’ll be back and up and running to normal standards eventually, but I’m not sure if I can provide you a Monday through Friday dose of awesome that you’ve been used to getting for the next couple of weeks.

Now, I realize that many of you are like suckling pigs and will die without your momma pig producing the sweet nectar of greatness I squeeze from my metaphorical teets. That’s why I’m currently putting out the offer that if you want to write about toys, you’ve got a short window where you can get your OWN writing on this here blogified website. What’s in it for you? Well, pride at being awesome should be number one on the list of benefits, but I may even be able to throw you a small (and boy do I mean small) sum of cash for your efforts. There’s also the side benefits of having supermodels hit on you after they realize that your a big time interweb writer guy (or girl).

If you are interested in helping me out this next week (and possibly the week after) send me a mail at Paul.toybender@gmail.com. If I don’t respond to you this weekend, I’ll get to you on Monday to give you more details if you want them. However, if you have something to submit to me now then go right ahead. Just try to keep it in the “spirit” of the site here and be able to send me at least one image to go along with your article.

Liked this Post? Here’s the Best of Toybender:
Top Ten Weirdest Toy Ads
Eight (untrue) Facts about the Magic Eight Ball
Defending Toy Collecting

Toys, writing, collecting

I hope you put your diapers on, because Toy Bender is one year old as of today. Mind blowing, hey? From it’s humble beginnings to it’s not as humble state today it’s been a non-stop thrill ride of excitement and internet domination. My how time flies.

(more…)

Attention, Toy Bender readers. I know it’s been awhile since I last requested your assistance, but an urgent need has arisen. Due to many circumstances, I will not be in Atlanta for the 2007 G.I. Joe Convention this September. If you are going, or know someone who is, then I need your assistance. I’m looking for someone to either write, or at the very least, send me photos of the event.

If you fancy yourself as some sort of writer, then I’d love to see any kind of coverage that you could cook up. If you can’t write, that’s okay, I need your help too. If you’ve got a digital camera and can take a halfway decent picture, then I need pictures. I can’t really offer much in financial compensation (except a very nominal fee), but I can give you a byline, a ton of adoration and respect, and perhaps a small notch in your belt if you have dreams of becoming a professional journalist or one of my favorite people in the universe.

Email me at Paul.Toybender@gmail.com if you are interested in this important mission.

toy, toy collecting, action figure, Hasbro, G.I. Joe, 25th Anniversary, convention, Atlanta, writing, writing job

(What? You already saw this post last week? Well, this is the magical floating contest reminder post now. Remember, if you want money to hide from your wife, pay for your sister’s operation, or just blow on drugs then comment away!)

If you’re already entering the SDDC comment contest to win giveways from the convention, then this is even better news for you. For those not commenting at all, then this might be the reason to start. 451 Press, the network blogging overlords that actually own this blog, are having a comment contest network wide for up to 300 bucks. That’s right, for every comment you make you are also giving yourself the chance to win 300 smackers.

Here’s the official announcement with all the fancy details:

Wanna win $300? If ya do read the instructions below and GOOD LUCK!

If I had $300 dollars I would buy________.

What would you buy with $300? Or even $200 or $100? Now is your chance to find out! Comment on any 451 Press site during the month of August and you could win! Three comments will be chosen at random to win a cash prize of $300, $200 or $100. The more you comment the more chances you have to win. So start reading and let those fingers fly.

toy, toy collecting, action figure, contest, prize

I was hoping that I could give you some sort of update tonight, but I’m sorry to say I got F’d in the A with a capital C by the infamous California traffic. You see, California’s highways were in the mood for a power rape and I was it’s victim. Instead arriving in San Diego at around 2 o’clock as expected, I got in after 6:30, which is a half hour after they stop handing out badges.

The trip so far has also featured me hurting my ear on my roommate’s (and semi-infrequent commentator Shawn), Shawn breaking a bird’s neck with his windshield, and his forgetting his extremely important press credentials that resulted in extreme emergancy actions, so this trip has so far not been the best comic book convention going experience I’ve ever had. Instead of ogling babes dressed like Wonder Woman and attending a “party” hosted by Sony like I hoped I would tonight, I comforted myself with several healthy doses of Miller Geniuine Draft telling myself that tomorrow is another day. I’m praying that I can get in all the action packed coverage I can for you in between buying expensive ass exclusive toys. Wish me luck my friends, I need it.

Edit: I just realized that instead of creating a new post, I wrote over the old one. I blame the beers.

toy, toy collecting, comic books, conventions, San Diego Comic-Con