Toy Bender

Since the entire world has stopped after the release of Grand Theft Auto IV except for those places where people have better things to do like starve to death, live under an oppressive dictatorship, or be lucky enough to experience both situations (I’m looking at you North Korea), toy news has seemingly ground to a halt. I haven’t seen a whole lot to report on and much worse I’m pretty apathetic, because I’ve got a vacation coming up so toys are the last thing on my mind. What better time then to share a YouTube video of cowboys fighting robots?

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Time for another look at ToyFare! I bet all three of you could hardly wait. Crack open your issue, we’re going for a metaphorical ride!

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I bet that post title got your attention didn’t it? Well, if you live in the U.S. don’t worry you’re safe to shop in your local Wal-Mart and purchase everyone’s favorite building toy, but kids and collectors in Canada will not be able to get any Lego toys at their nearest Wal-Mart.

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I saw that SOTA toys now has a statue of one of H.P. Lovecraft’s most terrifying Elder Gods, the great Cthulhu up for pre-order. In case you’re not familiar with Lovecraft’s work, he wrote some twisted horror tales that regularly feature beings from an forgotten time that are so terrifying that they just might drive you mad with the very sight of them. Cthulhu is pretty much top of the pile of horrible horribleness found in Lovecraft’s world. This statue is selling for 250 bucks and will be available in June of 2008.

SOTA has really outdone themselves. The statue looks amazingly awesome, except for one small detail.

His wiener:

Uh, yeah. If I did want this (or could afford it), good old Cthuluhu here would be forced to wear a diaper. It’s just… more Cthulhu than I’ve ever wanted to see.

If you don’t care about the inner workings of the site and only want toy updates and boob jokes, then stop reading. The rest of you, bear down for a super rant.

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Moments ago there was an official post by Justin Aclin aka Willy Wampa on the Wizard Universe boards that he will be stepping down as the Senior Editor of ToyFare magazine. Justin’s departure is another big loss for Wizard owned properties after several shifts in staff, including the controversial departure of Rick Marshall (who I think is a great guy as well).

Justin has been the Senior Editor for about six years and readers will most likely recognize him from his appearances in the “Welcome to the Monkeyhouse” section of the magazine. Personally, this is semi-depressing news since Justin is pretty much the reason I joined the Wizard Universe boards, because of his interest in my This Month in Toyfare posts (of which I’ve feel a bit behind). Because of my involvement on the boards I’ve met some cool online peeps, made it into Quick Hits, and a G.I. Joe retrospective, was able to cover a couple of stories for WizardUniverse.com at the 2007 San Diego Comic-con. Without Justin’s initial interest in this site, I don’t think any of that would have happened.

I say I’m only slightly depressed, because I think Justin has something great lined up post ToyFare. Either that or he’s one hell of a positive person. He’s also promised that he’ll still be involved with Twisted ToyFare Theater, so the mag won’t be 100% Wampa free.

Still, it’s sad to see him go. I wish Justin all the best luck and continued sucess.

The dreaded Cabbage Patch Doll Beast moments before devouring its prey.

*Knock* *Knock* Is this thing on?

Wow, it’s been a few days since I updated. After barely surviving several airline delays and a gigantic taxi cab bill (because our late plane made us miss our train), I’m semi-back to provide partially competent updates. To ease our transition from no updates to a regular schedule of super awesome, I propose we share what we got or gave for Christmas toywise.

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With the final push towards the inevitable mega-holiday for the Western World known as Christmas coming at us once again like a unstoppable freight train, it’s time for a quick plea to give to those in need. I grew up under a super conservative household, so I’m no pinko liberal that believes that it’s the government’s job to feed and clothe everyone, but when it comes to kids who are wanting it’s time to spread some love.

If you haven’t contributed in any way to society and you have a couple of extra bucks that you might otherwise spend on yourself, then I’d recommend either Toys For Tots or some other organizations like it that allow you to buy a gift and then send it on it’s way to a child in need. What’s great about them is that instead of just giving money that you don’t have any idea where it goes or how it’s being used, you get to pick the gift that will bring some joy to a kid that might be in extra need of some this time of year. If you don’t know where a Toys For Tots drop off is you can head on over to this site and find the nearest one to you. Hell, if that aint your thing you can even donate straight up cash to the program.

I’ve also participated in (and am doing so again this year) in a charity drive that gets you the names of kids and what they want in a sort of massive adopt a family program. This year my fiancee got some of the requests from her work and since the kids that are requesting are slighly vague it’s pretty tough to try to get them exactly what they want. One of the requests was from a five year old who wants, “A Spider-Man and a car with batteries.” Does this kid want a Spider-Man in a car that takes batteries? In that case I pray to Krom that the Spider-Man Bump and Go is what he wants. Even as I write this I have a feeling I’m going to go to the store and buy an extra Spider-Man figure just in case I’m wrong and that he really wants a Spider-Man figure and a separate car that takes batteries (whatever that would be). Hey, I don’t want to be the jerk that didn’t exactly get this kid what he wanted.

Either way that you go, I encourage every toy collector to part with some cash they might otherwise use for themselves to extend a helping hand. It feels good to do good and do some good for goodness sake. Or something like that.

By the way, I’d like to bitch for a moment. This G.I. Joe shortage is pissing me off because I planned to buy some figs to give to dump in a Toys For Tots bin in an effort to spread the Joe love out there. If anyone does so let me know, it was kind of a goal of mine lately and I have yet to see a single figure in the stores this month.

Update: I managed to find two Joes to give to Toys For Tots. Two is better than none I suppose. What really irks me is that while Target’s peg hooks contained no Joes, they were filled with Elite Force figures. I also did cave and bought that extra Spider-Man. I can’t be responsible for ruining anyone’s Christmas.

Tis the season for everyone with a parenting blog to write a list of shopping tips for idiots that don’t know how to buy gifts for children. I mean really, if you’re online reading about how to buy a gift you might want to consider not voting… ever.

Regardless, I don’t want to miss out on any of the searches for “safe holiday buying tips” or anything like that, so I came up with my own short list of toy buying tips for those desperate souls in need of guidance:

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There’s a thread I’ve been seeing pop up on a few message boards lately that I thought I’d bring it to the table here. That and I’m really bored right now with nothing better to do with my life. First I’ll start and then if you feel like sharing, go nuts.

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Very disappointed in this announcement.

I’ve recently gotten a fair amount of traffic from an XBox 360 fan site in reference to an old Halo toy article I wrote awhile back. One comment in particular bothered me and since I couldn’t figure out for the life of me how to leave a response, I decided to leave it here on Toy Bender.

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Word up, peeps. If you’re reading this it must mean that you’re probably either bored of your annoying relatives or are in a food induced stupor. Either way, I welcome you. I figured that I’d skip the usual ballsack jokes and do something I did last year at this time, I would write what I was thankful for in the toy related world in no particular order.

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The title of this post is a bit of misnomer. I don’t mean, “Why aren’t Joes 12 inches tall again with Kung Fu bears?”, but why isn’t G.I. Joe more popular than it is right now? I can’t seem to grasp why the figures are almost impossible to find and fans are on the whole pleased with the new Joes, yet G.I. Joe doesn’t seem to be very big. Every toy collector undoubtedly knows about the Joes and is either buying them or not, but what about in the mainstream? Chances are, unless your average parent just happens to be in a toy aisle and sees some Joes in stock then they might not even know that G.I. Joe is back in any significance.

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It’s a little disappointing that most of the people that find Toy Bender are through an image search knowing that a good portion of them just ending up using me as a free image host instead of enjoying the site that my army of dedicated fans… ah hem. However there is still a good amount of traffic that comes through run of the mill keyword searches. When looking through these searches that have brought random visitors here I thought, “What in God’s holy name is wrong with these people?” I’ve also wondered if they have found what they are looking for. Well, if they didn’t here are some of the weirdest of my searches and I’ll attempt to give those who typed them what they are looking for:

1) “Mr. Bucket Corrupts Children”

Wow. Out of all the things that corrupt children from Dungeons and Dragons to rap music, I’ve never considered the possibility that Mr. Bucket might have an evil influence on the youth of the world. I’d like to assure that the only corrupting influence that Mr. Bucket has on children is that they may develop an unhealthy obsession with balls.

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I rarely ever point at a fellow collector and laugh, criticize, or otherwise look upon them negatively. That’s why I’m going to host a few videos here without judgment… Okay, I can’t do it. I tried for a minute there but I couldn’t get past the first draft of this post. There is no way I can be impartial in this matter and respect myself as an opinionated blogger blogician, so if I hurt any feelings I apologize ahead of time.

The following videos were made by a fellow I’ve alluded to before in my post “Collecting: When is it Too Much?“. I’m sure he’s a nice person, but the sheer size of the collection and the fact that it’s all over the internet makes it impossible to ignore without comment. If he didn’t want the world seeing his stuff and talking about it, he’d never have joined every forum in existence with the intent on posting images of his collection for everyone to see, much less putting videos of his collection on YouTube.

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