Toy Bender

I’m running this toy ad for about only one reason and that is because it’s fugging awesome:

(more…)

If you want to get a quick taste of what a live action G.I. Joe film could be like, then look no further than this old G.I. Joe commercial.

If you don’t know much about G.I. Joe, this commercial came about as the toy line was starting to become a line based purely on gimmicks. Yep, the Joe train was almost off the rails. Don’t get me wrong, I like gliders as much as the next guy but the figures were starting to be made in exclusively neon paint schemes. The Ninja Force line also seems cool on paper. Who doesn’t love ninjas? Well too many ninjas can spoil the ninja soup. Plus the Ninja Force figures all had some stupid gimmick that ruined their poseabilty, one of the strongest points of the A Real American Hero line.

(more…)

Since I’m completely obsessed with G.I. Joe lately, there’s going to be a few more Joe commercials in Toy Ads that Time Forgot than usual. Sorry, but thems the breaks. This time I’d like to take a moment to go into one of my favorite Joe vehicles, the Rolling Thunder.

(more…)

In honor of Jayce and the Wheeled Warriors first session hitting DVD, I figured that it was high time I said something about the line and shared a couple of TV ads from it.

(more…)

I’m about a month or two late on this one to be relevant considering the last Rambo movie was out forever ago, but this ad for Rambo toys is still flipping sweet. Not because of the actual toys or anything, but because the whole idea of the Rambo franchise being aimed at children is frightening hilarious. Here it is though, one of the bloodiest most violent action franchises being marketed for the kiddies:

(more…)

While this week’s commercial isn’t exactly the kind of toy I usually cover here, I decided to do a TAtTF on it mainly because I’m obsessed with the game Rock Band. Okay, I’m not as obsessed as I was because my Xbox 360 is in the shop (sigh, I miss you baby) and unable to play it, but I’m wishing I had the game so I could play the new downloadable songs by Paramore and Serj Tankian this week, not to mention the STP song released a few weeks back… okay enough about that… I apologize. The Star Stage is a “toy” that cashed in on nearly everyone’s dream (especially kids) of being a huge rock or pop star in an extremely lame way. Well maybe it’s not that lame. It could just be the kid singing the terrible song making it seem incredibly lame, I mean it does have flashing lights, a working microphone, AND an echo function.

Nope, it really is that lame.

Star Stage also serves the duel purpose of being an incredibly effective torture instrument for parents who had children that owned the Star Stage.

Out of all the stupid toy ads and on all of the internets this has to be the dumbest. This ad for Pie Face is astoundingly bad:

(more…)

It’s been awhile since the last Toy Ads that Time Forgot and even longer since I had a comic book ad as some fodder, but no longer! I made a trip to my local comic book shop (Treasure Island Comics), dug through the quarter back issue boxes, and came up with a few issues of comics that contained several good toy ads in them. To reward you for waiting so long for a new TAtTF, I’ve included not one, but two ads in this update. Here’s the first:

Remember when it was acceptable to have an illustrated image in a comic book instead of a picture of the real deal? You could never get away with that now. This ad, of course, is for some Secret Wars action figures. If you have no idea what Secret Wars was or don’t have any clue what the toy line was like, be sure to check out the previous TAtTF post that went into these details (it also includes my favorite image based joke on this site ever that nobody noticed… sigh). Regardless, this ad is great because even though most of the figures are drawn much like the toys appear, Wolverine has decided to ride Dr. Octopus like he’s a cowboy breaking a wild bull.

(more…)

The other day when I went on my jag about how the “new” Max Rebo band sucks compared to the power trio of old, I went looking around for a toy commercial to share that might have them in the background. Little did I know that they had their own commercial. Jebus, what Star Wars characters didn’t get their own commercial back in the day?

(more…)

There’s a few commercials that still stick out in my mind from my many days of spending afternoons away from school cartoon watching and not kissing girls. The Hit Stix commercial was one of the commercials that would make a regular rotation through the shows of my youth like The Real Ghostbusters, Bravestar, and Super Mario Brothers:

I’ve always been an action figure fan over anything else, so Hit Stix weren’t the kind of toy that would have got me very excited back in the day. The prospect of drumming in the air and producing a beat upon impact with anything is neat and all, but there wasn’t much else to the things. I think it’s the fact that I was way more into anything that even had the slightest hit of sci-fi to it. There’s no exciting story to tell with these things. You just produced noises that were little more than what the crappiest beat machine running behind the lamest 80s pop song could do.

The kids in the ad didn’t do much to help me want to get one either. Even when I was young I realized how dumb these actors look. Just check out that one kid when they something about going crazy.

The only thing this commercial has that’s good is that is has one catchy ass rap song. No matter how stupid it is, it’s still some pretty good marketing even though I’ll stand by my claim that rapping and toy commercials is never a good thing.

Star Trek doesn’t get enough loving on this site. That’s partially because it kind of sucks and is not at all as cool as Star Wars, but it still has it’s place. I decided to share this Star Trek ad for mainly one reason:

(more…)

Our friend Savage has got another Toy Ads That Time Forgot up his sleeve. This time he turns his sights on a classic place for getting electronic toys: Radio Shack.

(more…)

Here’s a super bonus Toy Ads That Time Forgot from our friend Savage. I’ve got a couple left from Savage, which is extremely helpful in saving my ass. Thank you, sir. This post deals with a toy that I’ve had requests for before, Mr. Machine. I hope you’re grateful, you lovely whiners.

(more…)

Yet another 451 writer has saved my bacon. This time Elisa from Watching Dr. Who has lent her incredible blogging powers to my war against non-posting. She’s got a video to share of a toy from the eighties called a Monchichi. Before we get to her post, I’ve got to comment on these Monchichi things. I never heard of them before, and to be frank, they frighten me. Okay, now on to Elisa’s post. Rock on, rock warrior:

I was at the mall the other day wandering around with a friend, when I decided to pop into Claire’s. Wandering past all manner of shiny things, I went around a corner and came face to face with a Monchichi. Yes. A Monchichi. A female one. Do you remember those ape-like dolls from the 80s that could suck their thumbs? The TV commercials featured an insanely catchy tune.

(more…)

Toy Bender Savage is now my favorite person on the face of the Earth. He wrote some articles for me while my time and net access is severely restricted. Yeah, I apologize for sucking hardcore. Why is it that whenever I move my internet connection never works right away? I swear to Crom that there’s some sort of conspiracy involved to keep me from my toy writing and electronic pornography. Anyway, be sure to thank Mr. Savage by visiting his website: Old Man Musings.com. It’s a pretty kick ass blog full of nerdy stuff that all you little nerdlings should enjoy.

And now on to his post!

A flashback for some old ads, for what is always a popular toy for boys - guns! Back in the old days kids could pull out a toy gun on anyone, as shown in these classic ads, and just fire away. In those days you’d play all day outside, running through the park, shooting your friends. Then after all the horsing around everyone would go home no worse for the wear. But things changed over time and toy guns were replaced with real ones. No more care free days of blasting a cap in your buddy’s ass without repercussions and time in the clink.

(more…)