Toy Bender

Warning! If you like G.I. Joes and you like your sanity, then do not read any further. However, if you want be subjected to a serious bout of confusion, anger/sickness which is accompanied by vomiting, then read on.

This time we are going to look at not one auction, but many auctions that are quite noteworthy. Fairly recently they were pointed out on some G.I. Joe message boards due to the fact that they were for vintage, carded figures from ‘82 and fetched a grand total of five dollars each.

Now before you start thinking that it was some scheme to get around eBay fees by charging hundreds of dollars for shipping, you can stop right there, smarty. The auctions had a shipping price of only 3.00 bucks for priority mail. Accounting for the fees and the lowest price for priority anything is $4.80, I’m guessing the profit margin here of around three dollars per figure maximum.

In case you’re wondering Scarlett alone is listed on the online G.I. Joe price guide as going for $300 to $400 and that’s ungraded.

I’ll give you a moment to compose yourself.

You may question the authenticity of the auctions. I don’t blame you, you’re probably on the brink of losing your mind. I asked the seller myself:

ToyBender: Are the auctions legit? (i.e. are they really vintage figures that haven’t been re-carded?)

Wake_Watcher: They were legit. Never touched.

ToyBender: Why did you sell them for such a low price?

Wake_Watcher: I sold them at that price because I didn’t know their value. They’ve been sitting in my basement for 25 years. My dad was selling them at $2 each after paying $1.50 each.

ToyBender: Can collectors expect more of these type of auctions in the future?

Wake_Watcher: The only thing I have left is the miniature Care Bears from that era. I’ll be putting them out in the near future.

And there you have it. The only way I can cope with missing out on this deal of the decade is to completely deny this is real at all despite all evidence to the contrary in order to maintain my outlook of a world that is orderly and without chaos. You know, kind of like a 911 conspiracy nut.

It’s fake I tell you! Fake!