Toy Bender

For those of you how enjoy the Hasbro Answers Nerd Questions features I run, I decided to take a look at the G.I. Joe questions they’ve been answering. What’s amazing is that on the whole, the questions aren’t nearly as nerdy or hilarious as the Star Wars centered ones. Still, I figured you might want to see some of the answers I found the most interesting, or at least get links to where you can see the answers for yourselves. If anything, it at least lets me use an image from one of the most awful scenes in the entirety of the G.I. Joe cartoon series.

Cool Toy Review asks the questions that every G.I. Joe fan wants to know:

Cool Toy Review: Can we get re-releases of the USS Flagg and Terror Drome (With Firebat) ? Please…pretty please?

Hasbro: At this time there are no plans to re-release the Terror Drome or USS Flagg.

Argh! Cock blocked by Hasbro!

Cool Toy also addressed a question that has been bothering me as a collector who leaves toys in the package (mostly).

Cool Toy Review: What are they going to do about the quality of the card backs on single Joes? I’ve seen the contents of three cases on different occasions and the cards are always warped or creased. For those who collect MOMC this is very frustrating. I know with such a large card relative to figure bubble that this is a possibility, but it never happened like this when they sold Joes 25 years ago.

Hasbro: We hear your comments and have already made a change in the quality of the cardstock for future waves. There will be a thicker card back which will solve this problem.

Thank you, Lord. Thank you. I have not been impressed at all with the cards that I have seen for the 25th line at all. They’ve actually reminded me of the ultra-cheap Funskool cards.

From the Joe Customs wiki:

Joe Customs Wiki: What was the inspiration for the Customs that we saw at SDCC? Is there any chance that these could ever see production?

Hasbro: We wanted to do a shout out the the customizers in the community and show them how customizable the anniversary figures are. The inspiration came from the mind of one of our designers. We told him to choose anything he wanted that was not currently being planned. None of those figures will be out in 2008….but maybe further down the line.

Hasbro, what do I have to do to get the custom Alley Viper figure to become a reality? Please tell me it’s something easy, because I’ll totally do it.

The Joe Sitings forum asked:

Joe Sitings: There have been rumors that we would get one extra “bonus” wave in 2007. Can you verify if we will receive a fourth wave in ‘07, or will ‘08 wave 1 hit in time for the holidays?

Hasbro: If everything goes according to plan, we will have a bonus wave right around the holidays.

With the exception to the answer about the Terror Drome and Flagg, I swear that Hasbro is going to tell us that we were getting unicorns for our birthdays with answers like these.

Joe Reloaded had this question:

Joe Reloaded: Will future comic packs focus more on the Marvel Comics (please!), the DD comics or a bit of both?

Hasbro: As we have said nothing is off limits from the past 25 years. However just as our product has celebrated the “golden age” of RAH, any comic re-issues would need to begin there as well.

This is good and bad news. Hopefully G.I. Joe will be able to grow as the line expands instead of relying on rehashes on old figures, which could potentially grow to be boring or horrific when they get the awful, awful 90s era Joes.

Joe Reloaded also asked:

Joe Reloaded: Will we ever see some other comic created characters such as Candy Appel, Hard Master, Soft Master, Blind Masters, Shooter or Wraith made into figures?

Hasbro: It’s possible. The initial goal is to capture existing collectors as well as latent fans who haven’t been involved with the brand for 25 years. Once we have captured everyone’s attention, we have the ability to drive deeper into the fantasy.

Hehe… Hard Master.

Raving Toy Maniac asked a question I was pondering:

Raving Toy Maniac: 5 packs and singles - Are these packaging methods going to continue throughout the line, or were these just to “kick off” the 25th Anniversary series?

Hasbro: The 5 packs are a special item to kickoff the anniversary and the single packs will continue into 2008.

So… why are they doing the second five pack full of figures that aren’t really classic figures except for one of them?

Well that about wraps up this inaugural G.I. Joe Nerd Questions round. Notice how these questions lack a certain level of nerdiness only seen in the Star Wars questions. Most of the them get right to the point without telling Hasbro how to run their business or whining. Because of this, I’ll have to forgo awarding any kind of geek award–

But wait! What do we have here?! In amongst the questions lands this demon of a geeky question from Action Figure Insider:

Action Figure Insider: Will we ever get something similar to the Star Wars VOTC cards where Joes are packaged in true repro vintage packaging? (The current cards are close but: Logo is too small, silver foil instead of white, no J-hook, warning label on an outside clamshell etc.)

Hasbro: Thanks for the suggestion, we will look into it.

Holy shit, I just got the wind knocked out of me. That question bears all the watermarks of an overly picky geek. You’ve got an acronym topped off by the litany of examples. It’s talk like this that will make the opposite sex turn and run away from you. Hell, I just told my fiancee about it and she turned asexual for about five minutes. Not cool.

Oh and by the way, can someone inform the person that asked this question that the silver is on the packaging because it’s the 25th Anniversary of G.I. Joe… the god damned SILVER ANNIVERSARY which makes complete sense!? What you’re asking for is a reproduction of a card that’s almost already almost an exact reproduction to begin with. Imagine walking into a store and seeing a figure that costs five dollars more that looks almost exactly the same as the standard figures. Who but the most hardcore G.I. Joe fan would buy such a thing?

I don’t know how I could answer questions like this without exploding. I’m guessing that some lowly intern is toiling away in the bowels of Hasbro Castle answering the most inane questions in the hopes of getting hired full time plus benefits, including the rocket boots and magic top hat. God speed to you if you’re reading this Hasbro Intern #33421, many have been in your shoes and have not survived to tell the tale.

toy, toy collecting, action figure, Hasbro, G.I. Joe, nerd, geek