Toy Bender

ToyFare time is upon us once again! Oh the joy of cracking open the newest issue and filling my eyeballs with luscious toy goodness.

Page 4 - I like the idea of a whole issue of ToyFare dedicated to toys found in a 99 cent store. Then again, I like the film The Last Action Hero a lot too.

Ad on Page 5 - Wow, Hasbro has some great advertising for the Star Wars line. The new vintage style Snowtrooper looks kick ass.

Page 7 - I wouldn’t mind seeing some Lego stuff in ToyFare either. I think that the best bet would be licensed Legos with whatever seemed appealing to the readers, which is a tough call. I’m a fan of the Exo-Force line so I wouldn’t mind some news about that, but I wouldn’t really want to read about some boring fire truck coming out.

Page 7 Quick Hits - It’s odd that I feel like I “know” the people who get into quick hits now. Congrats to Mimic who commented on this very site a couple of times. I’d congratulate the rest of you, but where are your damn comments here? Huh!?

Page 8 - Letter from Brad England - How can you be retarded enough to even ask why Cars toys from Disney aren’t in Toyfare. How stupid can you really be? Cars are closer to Transformers? In what way? Because they talk? This has got to be a fake letter, because I can’t explain how someone can be this dumb without it being a joke. How could this guy not find The Batman stuff or Cars merchandise in stores? Toys R Us practically has an entire aisle of Cars toys. This makes my brain hurt!

And God damn it Jake Rossen! I was totally excited that I might have missed the news that Captain Power was coming out on DVD. A quick search on Google reveals nothing except bootlegs. Why do you play with my heart like some cruel mistress?

Page 9 - I just crapped a unicorn. I bow down before you Lords of ToyFare. Ron and Fez is a show I listen to religiously. My head explodes with the thought that the ToyFare crew listens to them too. It is funny to note that they’re really not down with toy collecting though, especially Ron. Oh well, they can’t be perfect. I also have to point out that it’s cool that Brian K. Vaughan makes this month’s Hot Plate, because he’s a friend of the Ron and Fez show. How do you think the phrase, “Razzle Dazzle” made it onto Lost? It was a shout out to Ron and Fez.

Ad Pages 16 and 17 - Again with the great marketing, Hasbro. This is a cool ad and it makes me realize how crappy the original Snake Eyes looks compared to the new one.

Pages 18 and 19 - I hope these Marvel Legends pics look good enough for all you whiners out there who are unhappy with Hasbro’s take on the line. I can’t stand the bitching anymore! Also, those Toys R Us figures don’t seem so limited, I went to Toys R Us the other day where a small Asian child that was killed by an avalanche of unsold silver Wolverines.

Page 20 - Nice Supergirl. Powergirl is looking a little butter faced though.

Page 21 - I’m digging “Armor Superman”, but I wish I read the comic so I knew why he’d need armor in the first place. He’s Superman! Plus, that costume is actually one of the Metal Men? Does having a robot that close to your skin all over your body count as gay robot sex?

Page 23 - Holy crapola I like these DC Deluxe figures. It looks like their costumes could be worn by real people. I’m especially digging that Batman costume, it’s like a realistic version of the 60s cartoon version. Put a Shaggy and Scooby Doo next to him and I’d be in heaven.

Page 24 - The first DC Stars dolls really made me feel like a pervert. This Batgirl has none of the charm the Supergirl and Wonder Woman have.

Page 26 - This Magneto is KICK ASS. The Punisher is pretty neat too. I kind of like the Venom Punisher, but don’t really see the point of it. Is this from something?

Page 28 - The Star Wars fans’ choice figure is revealed in his full glory! That Revan looks great. Please not that unlike other toy websites/blogs, I’m not going to scan him so you too can see him if you don’t have a ToyFare in front of you. Get a copy or steal your friend’s you low lifes!

Page 30 - I like Yoda on his Kybuk a lot. I was really hoping they’d make an action figure set out of this, which I’d give to my fiancee who’d love me forever.

Page 34 - I’m awarding Freddy’s speech bubble, the “Speech Bubble Based Joke of The Issue”. Way to go!

Page 38 - I hope Brad England is satisfied that there’s some The Batman stuff in this issue. That car looks ridiculous. The jet isn’t so bad, but still ranks up there in the “why?” department. The comment by Batman is 100% dead on.

Page 44 - It’s total bull crap that the creator’s of Aqua Teen Hunger Force can’t talk about the “Boston Incident”. What happened to freedom of speech? It sucks the people can’t have an opinion for fear of being sued.

Pages 46 through 48 - Battlestar Galactica spotlight? Hmmm… I think I’m almost officially off the Battlestar Galactica train. Unless something really great happens next season, this last one was a real let down for me. I’d feel like I’d be faking it if I had to say that I really liked it still. I do, however, really like the sidebar in this issue where the stars of the show talk about what it’s like to have a figure made of them.

Pages 54 through 56 - While I’m not a huge fan of McFarlane toys, it’s always interesting to hear what the main man has to say. These Simpsons dioramas are pretty kickass if you’re a Simpsons nut.

Pages 58 through 60 - C.O.P.S. gets some loving. Hells yeah! I didn’t have a lot of C.O.P.S. toys, well to be honest I had one C.O.P.S. figure. Still, I thought he was fricken awesome. I don’t even know is name since he wasn’t in the cartoon. Speaking of the cartoon, I was a huge C.O.P.S. cartoon fan when I was a kid. When I got the DVD? Uh, not so much anymore.

Page 62 - I’d hate to pigeonhole Patrick Warburton as an actor nerds love to love, but he is.

Pages 64 through 71 - The plot thickens in this month’s Twisted ToyFare Theater. It looks like Marvel’s Civil War is now going on in the Megoverse. This is the first Twisted Toyfare Theater that I’ve ever read where knowing a comic book plot line really helps get a lot of the jokes. For instance, I really enjoyed the whole Captain America escaping on the jet thing to protect his precious supply of beer.

Pages 72 through 83 - Nice feature covering all the cool Spider-Man movie figures. My question is why does Venom get coolest movie redesign? He’s essentially Spider-Man with a tounge… and he’s purple. That’s not much of a redesign in my book.

Pages 84 and 85 - I at first thought Mongul was saying his ass was strawberry flavored. That was much funnier. The Geordi comment is hilarious, by the way.

Pages 86 and 87 - ToyFare again taunts me this month with a figure I know I’m never going to find in stores. This time it’s the McQuarrie concept Boba Fett. Why must this world be so cruel?

Well, that about wraps up another This month in ToyFare. I can’t wait until next month to continue my parasitic relationship with the coolest toy collecting magazine in print. Remember, I’m always wanting to know what you think about ToyFare or what you think about what I think about it, so drop me a comment.

toys, toy collecting, magazine, ToyFare