Toy Bender

This month I’ll continue our look at the mighty toy collecting magazine known as ToyFare, because you demanded it! And by you, I mean Tripper McGee. Oh yeah, her and whoever strayed here by accident looking for Popeye porn (and by that I mean Esbat). Crack open your issues of ToyFare, because we’re going for a ride!

Ad Opposite Page 2: Holy Smokes Batman, Joker has got a crazy horse mouth. I’ve been creeped out by the Joker before, but seeing those gums really is frightening. He reminds me of a guy I went to school with that had the same damn mouth. We called him horse face behind his back. I guess you could say that we weren’t very clever or nice.

Page 4 - Inside the Monkeyhouse: It’s really sad state of affairs when Inside the Monkeyhouse is the only debate I’ve paid any attention to in the last four years.

Page 6 - FanFare: There really is one person that loves Crystar. I think an angel just got it’s wings or something.

Page 7 - FanFare - Homemade Hero: That’s it, this custom Tygra has convinced me that there needs to be a return of Thundercats toys with wicked cool articulation.

Page 7 - Quick Hits: Congrats to ApolloCharm who is a rather nice person who never reads my blog (sigh). Also congrats to darth_frodo for TWO Quick Hits, even though one is a repeat from last issue. I guess it was so good we just had to see it twice.

Page 8 - FanFare: My answer to Cody Cline would be this: Start doing drugs and have you stepfather catch you with said drugs. Then when he’s yelling at you scream, “Now don’t think it was better when I was spending my money on toys!”

And… Jake Rossen wrote a book! Neato! I’ll have to check it out.

Pages 10 and 11 - Customizing 101: It really blows my mind when people customize Transformers. I can wrap my head around plopping some sculpting putty on an action figures head and repainting him, but making a whole new Transformer? That’s crazy.

Ad on pages 16 and 17: Kids, I seriously recommend joining the Science Fiction book club. I got exposed to a lot of great books I might have never read in my impressionable, non-girl getting years, which was basically 4/5ths of my life.

Page 21 - Incoming: Wow, that Donatello caption hit me hard with its blinding truth. He’s my favorite Ninja Turtle as you may have already guessed. Insert Pac-Man dying sound here.

Page 24 - Incoming: I like fart and poop jokes as much as the next guy. In fact, I like them more than the next guy, but as for that speech bubble.. ewwwwww

Page 28 - Incoming: A mini-Tardis on my desk would be ever so wonderful.

Page 31 - Incoming: The Mach 5 is looking cool, but that Mach 6 is just full of cool gizmos. Come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve ever used the word gizmos in a sentence before. Go me!

Page 34 - Incoming: Haha, horseless centaurs. I have to steal… ah… remember that for later.

Page 36 - Incoming: So did 300 ruin Spartans in that every non-300 Spartan I’ll see, I’ll think of 300 immediately?

Page 37: Thanks to ToyFare for the JLU figure update. I have to take issue with Lobo being on the fence. Personally, I think he’s lame, but he still should be made into a figure. He appeared in a few episodes of Superman the Animated Series. He wasn’t too violent for that show, so he shouldn’t be too violent for the toy line based on the cartoon universe he appeared in.

Pages 48 through 51 - Making ‘History’: Hurray for DC Direct! Making what amounts to essentially same pose for 10 years straight! Just kidding (sorta). DC Direct has been a great source of tons of cool characters since their inception… if only they could add a little more articulation here and there I’d be more willing to pick up some of their figures.

Pages 52 through 59 - Special FX: And what’s this? An article by our friend Poe Ghostal? Yep. Even though I’m not really into statues, kudos to Poe for his informative and interesting article.

Pages 60 through 62 - Think Pink: I never really got M.U.S.C.L.E. It’s still an interesting article though.

Pages 64 through 70 - Twisted ToyFare Theatre: I appreciate what they were going with this one, but I didn’t get as many laughs as I did with the last issue.

Page 72 through 82 - Across the Universe: This is a round up of all the cool Mattel DC figures from DCSH and DCUC. I find it hard to believe that so many figures were released in the DCSH line that I NEVER FREAKING SAW IN STORES. For crying out loud, I would have loved to get my hands on a couple of the Supergirls and the Braniac. Did I ever see them? Nope. I’d see a million Supermen and Batmen hanging on the pegs. All I know is I better be able to find Green Lantern when he hits and a Dr. Fate if they ever make him.

Pages 84 and 85 - Top Ten Hottest Action Figures: Holy crap, I have to find one of those varient Marvel Girls. Papa needs a new pair of shoes! Really, I do. The ones I have squeak all the time and people look at me funny.

Page 89 - Top 5 Statues & Busts: That Emma Frost reminds me way too much of Boxing Helena. The Power Girl and Huntress statue is friggen sweet though. If only I could find and sell a varient Marvel Girl. Screw the shoes, I know what I’m getting now.

Page 90 - Con Countdown: These Con Countdowns sure are informative. I certainly hope we see more of these from other talented writers like Adam Besenyodi. Too bad I can’t go to any of the good cons like the L.A. Wizard World this year.

Page 91 - UP and Comers: Yeah Doc will be hot, because nobody wants to buy six comic packs just to get him… yet. Until Hasbro starts releasing some more of the non-purely redeco packs, there’s a lot of fans sitting out. I gotta rummage around and try to find my old Flag points. Sigh.

And damn it, there’s Green Lantern. I’m not going to find him for sure now.

Page 95 - Retro Toys: Wow, it’s nice to know I can buy almost the entire M.U.S.C.L.E. line for about five bucks.

Page 96 - ThunderLOLcats: Simply amazingly awesome, like Duran Duran piloting Airwolf.

That’s all for now, folks. Tune in next month for another look at everyone’s favorite toy magazine (except for Lee of Lee’s Toy Review and Tomart of Tomart’s Action Figure Digest).