Toy Bender

Wow, talk about falling behind on my monthly dose of ToyFare. What’s funny about this edition is that I couldn’t find it at my local comic shop or in the bookstore I enjoy frequenting, until I went back this week and there’s a lone copy? Where’d it come from? Probably God… or it was originally hidden behind some Japanophile magazines like The Fat White Guy’s Guide to Manga Monthly.

Grab your issue of ToyFare and play along!

Issue 127

Page 4 - Inside the Monkey House: I’m not a huge fan of Heroes having not watched enough of the episodes to get into it, but I really like this Inside the Monkey House. As someone who has spent most of his life in Wisconsin, I really enjoy the addition of Brett Favre. No, I know nothing nor do I care about football, but his bizarrely featured face reminds me of home.

Page 6 - FanFare: If I had any doubts about buying this issue, they were completely swept away by the picture of Rio Blast. He was one of my most favorite He-Man toys and I appreciate any loving directed his direction. It’s too bad the He-Man line tanked before he could get a figure. By the way, I have to ask the guy who wrote the letter asking Rio Blast… didn’t you ever hear of Google?

Re Ghostbusters Guy: Don’t hold your breath for full season sets of A Real Ghostbusters. Sony also owns the rights to G.I. Joe and Transformers and they’ve been sitting on them for no reason for the last few years… even though people are buying the old releases on eBay for about two or three times their retail price.

Quick Hits: Congrats to Esbat for getting in the Quick Hits! Lord knows he makes enough threads and spends enough time on the boards to deserve some sort of recognition. Also congrats to darth_frodo and Cliff Roswell as well!

Page 14 - Bootleger’s Ball: These things look like painted boogers.

Page 15: Why does every single DC Direct figure have the same exact pose and articulation. I think I’d be more interested in them if they didn’t all look the same.

Page 16: How did I not know there was an Evolutions three pack with Darth Nihilus… WANT! I also wouldn’t mind a Mandalore, but it’s tough buying a three pack for only one figure.

Page 18: Why in the hell wold I want a statue of a freak brutally murdering another human being? Quick ladies, would you rather step into an apartment full of big boobied anime statues or realistic depictions of murder?

Page 20: Congrats whoever wrote the, “It’s my wife” speech bubble! You’ve won the The Best Speech Bubble Based Joke of the issue! The “Grabby Power” on page 21 is a close runner up.

Page 26: I’m not into statues, but that Silver Surfer sure is tempting.

Page 28: Star Wars Kustomz are some of the dumbest toys ever conceived by man.

Page 31: Why on Earth would anyone buy these A Christmas Carol statues? I mean, that is the gayest Tiny Tim I’ve ever seen. My fiancee wants to add that The Ghost of Christmas Present looks like he’s wintering at Fire Island. Man, I should have her write this blog.

Page 33: I universally dislike all manga/anime, but these Appleseed toys look so fuggen cool that they make me almost want to check it out… almost.

Page 34: I’m not sure if its the photo or not, but the hands on Ric Flair & Lex Luger look GINORMOUS.

Page 38: Even though I’ve seen all these Indiana Jones figures before, I’m still super excited by their beauty in the pages of ToyFare.

Page 39: I don’t like Power Rangers at all. I think it’s the fact that the show is so ludicriously stupid. This is the first time I’ve ever really thought any Power Rangers are “neat” though so their presence isn’t unwarranted here. And whoever Jeremy Simpson is, he’s one lucky dude.

Pages 42 through 49 - 9th Wonders (Heroes Figures Feature): Hmmmm that time travel guy alternate head is utterly horrifying. And who is that cheerleader supposed to be? It sure doesn’t look like Hayden Panatierre, so I’m not really certain who it is.

Page 54: While this is an interesting article, I think the subheading is a bit of a misnomer. It feels like there aren’t many myths that are dispelled here. Rather I’m more curious than ever to find out where the hell this He-Man came from.

Pages 56 through 59 - The Boob Tube: Wow talk about garbage. The Love Boat figures are disgustingly awful. Also seeing the Airwolf figures from Brazil makes me wish that someone would make a scale 1:18th scale Airwolf. Hell, if they can make Blackhawk and Apache helicopters, you can make an Airwolf!

Airwolf!

Pages 60 through 65 - Original Thinking: I’m not a McFarlane man and I’m definitely a whore for licensed toys, but these are pretty bad ass looking. If I were to buy a toy that wasn’t Star Wars or G.I. Joe I think I’d get one of these. Not the Gemini though. That looks like a haunted penis.

Pages 66 and 67 - Star Wars the Next Generation: I refuse to believe that the Star Wars saga continues after the film… at least 99% of the stuff in comic books and “novels”. Still, I’d buy these figures.

Pages 68 through 74 - Twisted Toyfare Theatre: This was awesome!

Pages 76 and 77 - Top 10 Hottest Action Figures: With all due respect to Ralph McQuarrie, the McQuarrie Concept Trooper is hideous. Also, I really like the X-23 joke.

Page 83: The fans picked AoA Sunfire? Damn, I’ve regained my faith in humanity. He might be my first Marvel Legends figure purchase in well over a year.

Well, that’s all I got. I hope whoever made it to the end here really enjoyed the return of this feature. Let me know if you want to keep seeing it or what you thought of this month’s issue!